Buying Condoms

I hate it. You feel like an awful pervert the entire time, because maybe a neighbor or your grandma or the Pope might be in town, and he'll point one long crooked finger at the box of condoms you have clutched to your chest and you'll know you're damned to Hell forever. That's how I feel anyway. I always buy several other items to make it seem like I didn't make a special trip to CVS for condoms, but by now the staff knows me and knows I didn't drive a car. They know I don't have a car, that I must have walked a mile up the road just for condoms. Or maybe they think the other items are for some sort of pervy Rube Goldberg device I'm constructing in the same room where I keep my condoms. I guess I could buy condoms in bulk to avoid having to buy them multiple times, but then they'd really think I was a crummy guy. Plus, you never know when you'll hit a dry spell, and you don't want a bunch of old condoms lying around your apartment looking sad as hell. Damn.